XI
Shame.
She could basically feel it coursing through her veins, and she didn't like it.
When you were young, shame was only induced by parents and teachers, but like most of things, that changed over time.
Now, you were the one responsible for your own guilt. You were the one who made the mistake, and you were the one who had to face the consequence of shame.
Another thing that changed over time was your relationship to other people; your relationship to boys.
B-O-Y-S. That horrific word that caused so much trouble - too much trouble.
When you were young, boys were simply children, just like yourself. Then you grew up, and the boys became hormone-driven animals.
Boys, or a boy, was also the reason to her shame.
She was well aware of how foolish she was acting, how naive her mindset was. Sadly, that rational part of her brain wasn't functioning properly, and she was running purely on emotions.
She wanted him - no, not even close, she /needed/ him.
That was why she found herself walking down the empty street in the middle of the night, heading towards his apartment.
The air was traveling quickly through her windpipe, down into her lungs and then out into the lukewarm air.
The summer was slowly becoming a fading memory of hot nights at the beach, barbecues and skinny-dipping in the dark.
The short walk was coming to an end, as she could see the housing estate in the far.
Her chest was aching, swelling with emotions and hope.
Maybe, maybe it would be different now. His voice had been so soft over the phone, so utterly fragile.
Maybe everything had changed.
Her mind blanked. All she could se was the housing estate, the white one.
It was a middle-class neighborhood, with small gardens and a play park. Boring. Predictable. Safe.
Her fingers traveled quickly over the keypad. It was hard, cold, and probably infested with bacteria and germs.
